It’s final only and only when YOU go NO CONTACT with the narcissist that the ‘final discard’ is here to stay. Go no contact with the flying monkeys too( ref HG Tudor). It all depends on you, because a NPD feels a sense of ownership with all his exes ( that’s why he keeps going back and forth, connects with them even while being with the IPPS). You are his appliance to USE as and when deem fit . So run!!! Total no contact is the only escape and liberation from the Narc

The only sane way forward is to DUMP and run far away from the narcissistic abuse. That can happen only with no contact regime ( ref HG Tudor). But in reality, it’s only when the narcissist DISCARDS YOU , are you really free!!! You may have tried many many times to ‘ dump ‘ him/her , ‘ call it off’ but each time the narcissist will crawl/ grovel/ barge/ false promises his/ her way back into your life, this cycle goes on and on and fine day when the same cycle is on but he silently discards , drops you it’s the beginning of the end of the narcissistic abuse relationship,which is achieved ONLY with no contact regime on your part

Very unhappy … deep hollow, rumbling echo right into their soul. It’s because a narc doesn’t experience real joy or happiness; they only know the world of control and that’s their only fuel which keeps them alive. Their absence of empathy and insight/ introspection doesn’t allow them to generate feel-good from WITHIN! Lonely dark scary world they have deep within themselves

By lowering your emotional thinking ( replace feelings with thoughts that are logical and practical) an eg. Mom not well( emo thinking = ohh it’s my duty to take care of her, she must be feeling awful. Logical thinking : I’m not a doctor, dad taking care of that, I can call on her to ask after her )

secondly financially totally independent you have to be.

thirdly keep your communication ONLY logical/ practical and not engage with her emotionally.

do not share what’s happening in your life the good bad or indifferent- all of this acts as fuel to her.

build your emotional support like a support group, or meaningful friendships.

Yes, they should be focus of attention all the time. A middle middle range narcissist may be prone to Irritable Bowel syndrome, digestion issues like heartburn, acidity. They are also accident prone and suffer from vague aches and pains.

The harsh realities are the distortions of reality the kids of narcissistic parents have to live with all their lives

• anything and everything wrong happening to you or around you is YOUR fault.
• you are worthless
• whatever you do, how ever much you excel, get accolades in school/college/ with friends YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH
• all your life till your narcissistic parent doesn’t die you’ll be branded “ silly” “ hypersensitive “ “ gullible” “ foolish”
• One day you’re the worst of offsprings the next day you’re the best and another day you’re the worst again
• you won’t recall a single moment when your parent and you have had a heart to heart talk. Mostly you listen, and if you do put in a word, it’s shot down. Final word is ALWAYS ALWAYS the parent’s
• ALL your friends are HATED and when you ask why do you hate them, the answer is “ you poor gullible child, who can’t identify the vile “
• your studies , co curricular career ambitions passions – none of it is the narcissistic parent’s concern. As if YOU don’t exist
• lastly: you are alone in this world, you have to find your own way through this maze. Your parents are not here to protect you, save you.

If he’s your ex then why are you still in touch with him? Total no contact regime is the only way for you to heal and move on in life.

One of my client recounts :

“ that awful night my narc, piss drunk passed out over his phone which he may be scrolling. Deep dark hell doors opened, to a series of sexting and flirtings, using derogatory words for me he was having with 7 different girls over a span of last 2–3 months. My heart was pounding, my blood surging, my body shivering with rage while I WROTE DOWN every single convo ( I lost my common sense to just take screenshots, so you can imagine my mental state) next morning was my bday. I wrote whole night, every word like acid drops on my body and soul. Early morning while I was making tea in kitchen and seething with rage and horror, he stumbled from behind and said where is my phone?

he tried to hug me and THATS WHEN I PULLED OUT A BIG KNIFE and swung towards him. He is 6.7 feet tall so dodged that but cut his hand to save himself “

that’s how psycho narcs can make their victims

Narcissism is on a spectrum and all of us fit somewhere because narcissism is a coping mechanism and becomes a disorder if taken too far( consciously or unconsciously)

The lower and mid range ( refer HG Tudor) generally don’t give gifts as in the materialistic kind. Some of the thoughts that run in their head are- he/she doesn’t deserve, can’t afford it, the other person has it all and there’s nothing I can give, I’ll buy something very nice when I’m able to afford it etc etc

The greater and ultra are mostly well off people, have good money either inherited or their work profile of various businesses and investment fields. They gift their victims expensive gifts sometimes, to gain control.

Most narcissists come within the middle range ( refer HG Tudor) and they have cyclic patterns of gifting like a surprise anniversary cake, gift, food items etc . It’s like a make-up gesture after a fight or devaluation, called the respite period.

The upper middle narcissist sometimes splurge on a whim ( and later on rub it in as to how expensive it was), you may wish for a scarf, they will get 5 of those. They may take you on an expensive trip but if you see carefully it’s engineered and not heartwarming. They will show off their indulgences and won’t feel real from the heart.

In a nutshell, a narcissist doesn’t like GIVING in the real sense of the word- the joy of giving is alien to them.

Yes !! Recovery from abuse by NPD short or long term is very traumatic – symptoms mimic those of PTSD- post trauma stress disorder. Pl read up about this to find ways to heal from it.

secondly join a support group – online / offline for recovering, there’s a social media group VONA- victims of narcissist abuse.

Thirdly get a full body health check up and get your health back. The body goes through a lot of wear and tear and quite a few of the empaths complain of spondylitis, heartburn, lose/gain weight, nerves related issues, stress headache etc

Yes your recovery is going to be slow but keep NC rebuid your life, do read up about NPD being a psycho-neurological disorder. Reading and understanding the disorder will help you lower your emotional thinking that will aid your recovery.

don’t hesitate to consult a psychiatrist to see if you need anti depressants for some time

They don’t like to work because- this is what goes on in a narc’s head about work

• slog and hard work is for mediocre average people, I’m destined for something out of the ordinary and slogging is not for me but the lesser mortals ( grandiosity )
• I’ve done 2 out of 6 tasks, atleast I’ve done something !! Now I have earned some reward for myself like relaxing or doing what I enjoy doing. ( instant gratification )
• I’ll get my act together from TOMORROW ( procrastination ) today let me enjoy myself like watching porn, sleep, contact random girls, casual flirt etc ( pleasure centric)
• lastly working means someone else ( boss, working hours , duties designated etc ) has the control over you, and that’s totally unacceptable. This is hard-wired in a narc and they are not conscious of it.

• when the narc senses his/ her control over the supply loosening like when the supply/ victim is moving away from the relationship, wanting to escape the clutches of the narc.
• Insecure that someone else is getting close to the victim
• when too many lies pile up and the supply is about to explode due to his manipulations.
• When the narc doesn’t get ALL his prime aims from the victim ( fuel, character traits , control and residual benefits- reference HG Tudor)
• lastly, a narcissist’s apology is yet another mask to fool and manipulate the victim. They lack remorse, and insight and are unable to really understand the meaning of the word sorry. They may ‘act’ for a while of being ‘ sorry’ but deep down they really don’t know why they apologise , because they are too perfect

All empaths or victims of a narcissist get addicted to the narcissist’s too good to be true mask and because of their high emotional thinking and addicted to the narc’s cycle of love bombing devalue- silent treatment- respite period- love bombing cycle. Your ex is acting 🎭 normal because of her ‘ needs’ of you. It’s cyclic like I’ve mentioned above. If you’re ready to go through the cycle again it’s your call to fry your brains one more time !

Yes !! All the time ! A narcissist’s inner world is like Ripley’s crazy mirror room. The one and only motive ( mostly unconscious, they don’t do it with awareness except for the greater and ultra narcissist) is to derive fuel ( all the emotional responses from their supplies ) to fill them with character traits and how they can then conduct themselves superfluous in this world. They keenly hear and observe your responses that helps them find your vulnerable spot which helps them control you in future

Ofcourse! Everything a narcissist does is to get fuel and control their victim . An apology is only in words picked up from their environment ( character traits, ref HG Tudor) to manipulate, cause confusion and further trap their victim) their actions never match their verbal apology if at all they apologize. They never believe that anything they do is wrong ( they blame the world for the wrongs they do) they lack insight and introspection, and their apology is like soda fizz

This ‘logic’ arises because of your high emotional thinking and high level of empathy- a narcissist has none of those. Infact many victim / supplies are unable to extricate themselves from narcissistic abuse for years and maybe forever because of the same reason as you’re feeling.

if you stay, you will become useless for your SELF and keep riding the devaluation- respite period- devaluation roller coaster for life.

if you leave your husband, one guarantee is that YOUR life will be saved and if you don’t then one guarantee is that BOTH of you will be sick/ dysfunctional

Very slim. Mostly an adult narcissist comes in for therapy because of legal or family pressure, the motive is to primarily superficially appease the disgruntled or ruffled party, like buying time.

They are very good at faking ‘ compliance ‘ and ‘ going along’ therapy but eventually their mask falls off and they resume their narcissistic act of gaslighting, lying, manipulating, pity play, and then suddenly drop out of therapy too( it’s very short lived in any case )

Scary, disrespectful, mistrusting, insecure and completely controlling in a sick way.

The one and only way to ‘deal’ with a narcissist is to RUN!!!!!! Total no contact regime . But if you’re financially dependent on him and co-parenting the best is work towards getting financially independent, lower your emotional thinking ( not engage with his accusations and interrogations ) and get a better phone which can’t be hacked

Dark very dark secrets of the past, some of them they may divulge as part of pity-play or to raise your emotional thinking.

contents of their phone and laptop.

partner – shelf life variety / dirty little secret( refer HG Tudor)

Stealth transaction ( borrow money/ debt / underhand activities )

Yes sure , few narcissists falling on the narcissistic spectrum do have some amount insight and introspection and are intrinsically motivated to improve some aspects of their narcissism:

1. write down all the things your favorite / most important people like, stuff that makes them happy and cared for.
2. you may not be able to do all of them at once, start with what’s the easiest for you, be consistent with that ONE change for few weeks and then slowly add on the other things on the list.
3. write down all traits you have of a narcissist that cause disturbance and distress in your personal and professional life. Follow the regime 

Whatever the spouse is, the narcissist will ALWAYS feel superior to not only him/ her but to the rest of the world. Watch them dress down/ or keep mum in silent disapproval, as and when possible, a person of repute and high caliber or social standing.

A narcissist is mostly envious of the world around them, ofcourse they don’t verbalize that so as not to ‘expose’ their envious insecure self.

A narcissist doesn’t feel happy for others progress and success because deep down their sense of entitlement makes them believe that he/she should have got all that instead and that the other person is not deserving of it and thus how unfair this world is to acknowledging real genuine talent , and that is he/ she, the narcissist

Keep your interactions to the bare minimum, try to lower your emotional thinking and keep things neutral and objective from your perspective. Their emotional manipulation and lies will have least effect on you when you don’t react emotionally to any of that.

One of your roles as a parent is to leave behind all that you have made, to your offsprings which can be made conditional by ensuring you are not dependent on them, ask them to leave if they are living with you or taking any support from you. Do not depend on them for anything including medical care etc. take care of your needs first with least emotional baggage or resentment towards them. Make sure your present and future are secure.

once you’re gone everything belongs to them and you’re not going to be around to see what they do with it. It’s your good karma to keep doing what’s your ‘ duty ‘ as a parent and not indulge in revenge or resentment or teach them a lesson game

By being independent of him in every and all ways! Be financially independent, and leave. Simple

Firstly we all fall within the narcissistic spectrum because narcissism is a coping behavior / defense mechanism but it becomes a disorder when taken far and high in the spectrum.

For example narcissistic trait like self-love is good and self preserving but it becomes a disorder or taken too far when self- love is all that is; there is no regard for the other person and no respect that the other person also has a right to his/ her own self-love. Narcissistic disorder lacks empathy and the only survival goal is control.

A narcissistic personality disorder doesn’t go for help or treatment because they lack insight and introspection and are super sure that they are flawless and things go wrong because of other people.

The only psychological help you should seek is for your self ( empath) read up about NPD, understand that it’s a psycho-neurological disorder and not to be taken ‘personally’ or ‘emotionally’. Get into a total no contact regime( Ref HG Tudor ) to repair and reinvent your life

No. At most you can have your bouts of feeling empty, hollow at times, undefined loneliness and alienation, and know deep deep down that ‘ something is wrong with you. That’s for the lower and mid range narcissists. The Upper and Greater ( HG Tudor ) know that they are narcissist. They are the sociopaths/ psychopaths. However most narcissists are the middle range ( ref HG Tudor)

Yes, especially the middle middle range ( ref HG Tudor). They will be very attentive listeners, will ask you questions about almost everything about your self, and very often say “ I put myself in your shoes and try to think how you must be thinking” . This may sound like empathy but in reality they are noting every single vulnerability of yours, what you like, what you don’t like and when you bare your all, they take that information to gaslight or devalue you later.

Only another narcissist can do that, which is going to be short lived in any case because two narcissists don’t engage with each other for long.

The empath or the victim can learn to use some techniques to weaken the narcissistic onslaught by grey rocking and mirroring. However it doesn’t come naturally to an empath to be like the narcissist because of high emotional thinking and empathy.

also it’s not wise to give back his same energy because whatever/ however you respond, it’s fuel for the narcissist even if it’s negative fuel and your responses are perceived as having control over you

That’s the most difficult situation , when you are physically and financially dependent on narcissistic parents. try to get independent in all your endeavors, and as soon as you’re financially stable , get out and get a life

Recounts of one of my clients

“ first and foremost was reading, making notes, understanding what is Narcissistic Personality Disorder and it’s abuse. I read, heard lots of videos of HG Tudor for months on end. Alongside, I took care of my deteriorating physical health. I started to meet my friends, get my focus back on my work, how to expand for multiple source of income. I had to and still do keep re-reading and listening to stuff on NPD, to help me minimize my emotional thinking and look at the abuse as objectively as possible.

A victim is never never truly and totally healed… in this lifetime but yes learns to live well, even with that scar or limp.

Empaths have their limitations too- unable to say NO, have problems setting boundaries for others, they bend backwards to accommodate/ tolerate/ adjust with others, they give a long long rope to people and many times allow themselves to be used. In this process they begin to drain out since they give and give.

yes empaths are do-gooders, problem solvers, take charge of difficult situation and die hard optimists. Sadly all the goodness comes with a price of feeling run down and used.

An empath hold others more important than their own self and are not very good at self-preserving skills. So it’s time to begin to learn some part of self-love from a Narcissist 

It’s possible but short lived . Narcissists are like the man eating tiger who can ‘smell’ their ‘catch’ who’s the empath or supply or victim who display traits like happy-go-lucky , popular, caring, kind and giving. A narcissist instinctively knows if those traits are only superfluous or real. 2 narcissists interacting is like similar poles in magnet repel.

About 50% of NPDs are the lower -middle, middle -middle ( ref HG Tudor )type. They don’t like to GIVE gifts, ( and they TAKE with utopian entitlement ) they have million of reasons for that ( you have everything / I want to buy you something exotic one day when I can afford it/ I don’t believe in material love etc etc.

The reason some of the NPDs buy you the same gifts and take you to the same places to go over the same ‘experience ‘ again, to recall the old while experiencing the new- they do a lot of that in intimacy/ sex too. Half of the times they live the reality with large mix of fantasy- recall of past. Also one of their prime aims ( ref HG Tudor) is character traits . They pick up mannerism, and way of living from different supplies to incorporate them in their life because they are incapable of being creative , original and spontaneous because they lack empathy and thus cannot use their instincts or creativity for the other person. They have to rely on bits of what they have observed/ experienced with other supplies in past

Main or primary supply is that ONE partner/ significant other of most narcissists. They are ‘invested into’ to the maximum with the immediate partner primary source ( ref HG Tudor) to the extent that at one point the ‘secondary’ ( family friends colleagues )and ‘tertiary ‘( neighbors, receptionist, cabbie basically all others) become insignificant in their fuel matrix. Yes all the supplies are lied to, manipulated etc but it’s the primary source the narcissist swallows whole whereas the secondary and tertiary are still able to retain a part of their ‘normal’ life with the world because of lesser engagement of the narcissist

Recalls a recovering empath client of mine-

“ One and half years into our deep satisfying relationship, he started obsessing about having a threesome. It started with fun exchange ideas to him seriously plotting – booking an escort, inviting his women friends over to stay with us to meet the purpose, asking me which of my friends will be game for it. It was a crazy tsunami of emotional destruction for me. Strangely none of his plots could be executed “

To deflect, evoke negative fuel from you, sense of entitlement and lack of accountability- the basics of what narcissists are. They have poor moral grounds , twist and bend rules to do what they want and when they are caught lying they will first deny, then try to cover up their lie with more lies, then gaslight ( I had to lie because I’m scared of you / it’s not me who lies but it’s you) and when they realize the noose tightening around their neck, they walk away wearing their cloak of lack of accountability

Yes Narcissists miss ALL of their past and current supplies ( primary, secondary and tertiary ) They don’t allow themselves to wallow in any kind of void for too long because fuel( emotional responses/ communication from supply) is their lifeline , so they go scouting for connecting with anyone who can provide them with the prime aims ( fuel, control, character traits and residual benefits)

so the precise answer to your question is a yes and no. They miss but don’t miss because they quickly replenish their fuel

No. If at all they verbally do, that’s part of imbibing and faking character traits ( as part of their prime aims- fuel, control, character traits and residual benefits.) to superfluously wade through a situation. If caught and confronted, they argue right through your last iota of patience and endurance, exhausting you to either let go or drop the conversation. If they are caught with their back to a dead end, they may verbally apologize but will light you up with the same thing in gaslighting in future

Yes it’s genetically predisposed. Secondly it’s because the individual felt lack of control in childhood ( very strict or overindulging parenting ) and thirdly learned maladaptive, controlling, manipulative behaviors by modeling parents/ guardians who have narcissistic predisposition

Most narcissists lack insight and introspective capabilities and thus aren’t aware of their behaviors, so question of worry doesn’t arise.

secondly deep down they are aware something is “ wrong “ with them, they have odd fears, insecurities and often feel empty and sad.

Lastly most narcissists( lower and middle range as per HG Tudor ) are totally convinced that they are the best blessings on to humanity and whenever something wrong happens it’s because of the fault of others/ the world .

By reading up extensively and intensively on Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I highly recommend HG Tudor’s YouTube audio material.

Make hand written notes while you hear him, relating to all that you went through and material you understand. Get to know how and why this sub-species operate and why are the way they are.

secondly, hear HG Tudor on Empath, that’s who you are and what you need to change about your lack of boundaries and need for approval and how to reduce your emotional thinking

Lastly, follow the total no contact regime as per HG and rebuild your life without the Narc

You cannot ‘make’ them do anything. If the person is wanting help with “ something is wrong with me” “ I feel empty inside “ etc you can ask him/ her to read about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and engage in healthy discussion on the same as and when he/ she is ready for it.

The best case scenario is making yourself aware of this disorder by reading and understanding the dynamics , causes etc and reduce your emotional thinking , detaching from the narcissist and rebuilding your life without him/ her

A narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD) in the love bombing stage say they never lie and everything about them is pure and true.

The devalue stage is when the empath / immediate partner primary source catches their lies and cheating and confronts them, the NPD will partly confess that they do lie sometimes and quickly remind you that they are good people because they have admitted to their weakness and that you should be proud of them/ erase the incident of cheating as a reward.

Yes the biggest reason for a permanent state of anxiety while being w a NPD is their lack of accountability, unreliable, shifty and everything around them is an iffy. You cannot trust them with the tiniest of task because 8/10 times it’ll not be done and knowing the Narcissist, he/ she will gaslight you for the 2/10 they were able to do the tasks assigned. The cloud of anxiety is all pervading -“ will he get drunk again? Will he be late again? Will he do the couple of household chores I requested him to? Will he again go ghost and not be reachable because his phone battery died? Will he go cold turkey on me again and sulk around the house because we had an argument? Will we sleep on time today and not like the thousands of 4–5 am because of his fetish for all night activities like drinking , music, movie, sex? Is he still talking to his exes? Will he lie again and just be smarter and not get caught?

We have some evidence of brain scan and prefrontal lobe anomaly in NPD, but we fall short of data because NPD don’t go for help/ therapy/ treatment.

Read up on NPD especially hear YouTube HG Tudor, make handwritten notes to understand what all happened with you, this is one of the best ways to heal and get answers to the thousands of whys in the relationship.secondly , get your life back- profession, friends, social life , get your physical health back and last but not the least continue no contact regime.

Take few self-assessment tests on NPD/ Narcissism scale . Also read up on NPD and improve self with in-depth introspection .

Many therapists feel they are god-sent perfect piece of creation ( how narcissistic!!!) there’s always scope for self – improvement .. right till our dying moment

Yes agreed ! He/she or they ! There are almost equal number of men NPD as women.

Most of the Narcissists are mortified getting on the wrong side of the law but that doesn’t deter them from breaking some rules here and there.

the lower range narcissist are crass, aggressive, dim-wit, brash, brawlish! They can cause you physical harm if madness gets the better of them.

keep yourself safe, physically . Rest is just noise.

One of my recovering victim of NPD says:

“ Recovery is an endless process, slow healing. From last year to now I’ve made super great recovery, thanks to HG Tudor’s work, my own journaling and comparing collaborating notes and working on myself how to lower emotional thinking, mirroring some narcissistic behaviors on to the NPD, and re-creating my life again. Focusing on making money , enjoying my work and understanding NPD as a neuropsychological disorder with no cure. But a fraction of NPD want to try to ‘ become normal’ and that’s a silver lining I’m working on. “

Narcissists have a love-hate relationship with sleep. They are mostly the owl and not the lark. At times they like to sleep and sleep other times they will fight it or keep it aside for activities like social media binging, movies, porn, music, late night parties etc. at times they seem functional even with minimal sleep other times they sleep and sleep.

But overall, if external conditions are constant, they do sleep more than the average 6–7 hours/ 24 hours.

Your narcissistic ex came because you allowed him to. Narcissists keep coming back, pleading to give them another chance. You assume it’s another chance to repair things between you two, but in reality the narcissist comes back only and only because they are not yet ready to dump you and discard you. They are not ready means there’s still some fuel ( your emotional reactions positive or negative )they see they will get from you.

Why would you want to tell them that they ruin relationships? That will set off the narcissistic rage and you’ll be compelled to engage emotionally with the infinite arguments and counter arguments.

yes it’s a great idea to be friends with clear boundaries with a narcissist, for as long as it lasts because a narcissist can’t operate within boundaries; for them it’s total control or neutral nothing. Good luck

Narcissist’s eyes are the bottomless pit of potent magic potion of intrigue, allurement, wicked manipulation, dark hollow world of emptiness, faked with superfluous laugh and love. A narcissist’s eyes never glow or light up with real happiness. They are empty

It’s not possible to reverse but somewhat stall the narc’s gaslighting by reducing emotional thinking. The empath reacts to the ‘unfair’ ‘ injustice ‘ of the narc’s tactics which is fuel for the narc and thus get control over the empath. Stonewalling helps to reduce this control and manipulation.

An empath is not wired to gaslight but can use as method called mirroring, but has no special benefits because the empath will feel drained ‘enacting ‘ it and the narc continues to get fuel even if negative

Oh yes they can smell their fuel( emotional responses they get from their victim- the empaths) more or lack of it. Due to lack of empathy and insight they are unable to comprehend the why of no contact and will respond to no contact the state of mind they are in . If they getting fuel from elsewhere they are ok to ignore it and if their fuel is running low they will frantically try to get it – positive ( begging for forgiveness, love bombing false promises etc) or negative ( anger, crying , too much alcohol, brawls etc )

It’s not a matter of forgiveness coz a narcissist ( the lower and middle range) don’t know what they doing and their disorder is at a subconscious level unlike the greater or ultra who know what they are doing ( most narcs are middle range ) hear HG Tudor for more clarity.

it’s more important to forgive your self for being the empath and getting into the quicksand of the narc’s manipulation and layers.

you can forgive your self only by educating yourself about NPD, then move towards no contact regime. End Game

Few things can ignite the narcissistic rage/ fury 1. nil emotional responses from you or grey rocking. 2. to confront or question a narcissist about his lying , double standards, ethics etc 3. when you say ‘no’ or establish your boundaries with him/ her

It’s not you who gets a narcissist to leave, because you or anyone can’t control a narc. You leaving the narcissist serves the purpose but that’s terribly difficult for an empath because of the trauma bond/ addiction an empath has for the narcissist.

the one and only way YOU can disengage and leave is to first educate yourself about narcissism/narcissistic personality disorder.

total no contact regime is the only way to the beginning of the end of the treacherous roller coaster relationship you have with the narc. It may take months and years for YOU to disengage and disconnect completely by getting back your life, engaging in work, nurturing friendships, and progressive lifestyle. The narcissist will NEVER completely forget you. Once a victim , always a victim is the empath’s cross to bear

No and Yes! No cause they are flawless and they never make any mistakes. Yes because they collect more mistakes of the previous primary source , add more hurt and grudges that others inflict upon them. That’s why an ageing narc is a bitter sad and hollow man

Narcissists rage happens when the empath confronts him/ calls him out with his lies and cheating or his double standards, or his addictions, or any of his misdoings, not taking responsibilities at home or finances etc.

The one and only way to save yourself from the narcissistic rage is not look for justice and retribution. Not to seek for right answers or get things done right . Never to get into an argument with him . Lowering emotional thinking also works well. Be objective and distant in your talks. And never never hope for apology or introspection

To devalue and degrade you. These are emotional games / abuse. An empath patient of mine recovering from narcissistic abuse recalls:

“ he used to call me cunning fox, sometimes a sorcerer. I used to be perplexed why he would call me such names? He felt I was too smart for him and that I do black magic to get him under my spell. I used to be devastated with his weird allegations. Infact he used to sometimes sneak up from behind while I used to cook and say- what have you sprinkled on that food, that I’m getting deeper and deeper in your spell”

Not necessarily that all supplies know about each other. All people that the narcissist interacts with are supplies – the primary ( inner/ intimate/ sexual partner ) the secondary ( friends relatives colleagues ) tertiary ( the shop keeper, the bartender, receptionist etc ) The primary supply is where the narcissist invests the maximum and keeps it a precious possession not to be shared by others. The primary May or may not know of other supplies. A narcissist is a very secretive insecure person and keeps most of his life in different compartments, not mixing one with the other, for optimal control and manipulation

It’s very rare for a narcissist to volunteer for therapy because they lack insight and have a grandiose sense of self; nothing is wrong with him and whatever wrong is happening around is because of the rest of the world around him.

If at all a narcissist comes in therapy is when he’s forced ( by primary source ) into it. it’s very difficult to identify a narcissist in therapy sessions because they wear many masks- silent, speaking in mono syllables or being extra charming and over pleasing , glossing and shifting focus, have a passive demeanor and compliant just to get through with the session.they deny all that’s happened or gloss over it or have their own version to prove their point.

Nevertheless an experienced therapist can identify some signs of NPD: they have some form of addictions, callous professional growth and grandiose aspirations, poor financial status, poor hobbies/ skill-sets, pity-play and blame game to name a few

Not necessarily . Psychoses is biochemical imbalance namely schizophrenia bipolar disorder whereas NPD is a personality disorder with some anomalies in their brain structure and wiring.

Most NPD have some unrealistic fears( paranoia ) and delusions of grandeur and persecution ( suspicious of people’s intent )in some degrees

few narrations from a recovering empath from parental narcissistic abuse:

> total non-involvement in our childhood/ growing up issues ( academics, co-curriculum, hobbies, future goals, friendships anything and everything )

> hostile angry mother, a sullen irritable unapproachable demeanor, whose only and total focus is to put food on the table, wake up on time and sleep on time. All of us scared of her, keep out of her way

> extreme punishment for small mistakes or rebellions ( my mother read in my journal that I had bunked college one day for bike ride and sandwiches with a guy, she beat me black and blue with a rod)

> total lack of empathy! Hated appreciating me, hated both us sisters but adored our only brother ( overcompensating for him )

> either absent from family outings and trips or sole worker for a dinner / program tiring herself and just so unhappy about it all

> zero emotional good memories

The boy is a full blown narcissist, the elder daughter codependent and middle learnt about the narcissism and has been brave enough to get on total no contact regime with the narcissist mother and brother.

Yes narcissism runs in the family

We can’t! It may seem like negotiation but that’s just manipulation of the narcissist to engage you in an ‘ emotional up and down ‘ roller coaster.

the final word is what the narcissist wants so don’t even try to negotiate. Either be prepared to work as per his/ her dictate or quit / decline any working arrangement with the narcissist

No! But a good 30–35% of total population are within the spectrum of medium to severe narcissism.

A narcissist can’t live without connectivity with social media, his mobile phone is like a limb or body part of the narcissist.

Social media is a haven of deriving fuel from many supplies. They invest a lot of time reading and exploring any and every profile, hunting for the eligible empath for primary, secondary and tertiary supply.

a narcissist hoovers his/ her exes, stalk , indulge in flirtations, sexting and as much titillation as possible. It’s the narcissists who are blocked by many, who are debarred or removed from social forums because of their hunting / hounding/ perisistently pressing on others beyond what’s acceptable

Yes you can rewire your brain in ‘managing’ an NPD, by reducing your emotional thinking, setting boundaries, grey-rocking , mirroring and work towards total no contact regime as much as you can. A big part of un-brainwashing can be in reading about the disorder, understanding the manipulations and control mechanism of the narcissist

Narcissists are wired defectively! Their prefrontal lobe has thin grey matter which makes empathy and emotions less or absent, they learn defective ways of coping, thus forming defective neural pathways, making them ‘ different ‘ from normals.

No they are not ‘evil’ just hollow-man who burn in their own hell-world.

If we don’t ‘ forgive ‘ then we will not be able to reduce our emotional thinking which helps to cope and deal with the narcissist

Yes correct !!! Even after the narcissist has discarded you or you have been lucky enough to escape from the narcissist and the toxic relationship, you are perceived as an appliance which rightfully ‘belongs’ to the narcissist, you are an object which can be used at any point of time in future.

many times where escape of discard is not possible with total no contact regimen, for eg if the spouse is a narcissist and other spouse is financially dependent and of co-dependent nature on the narcissist, the relationship goes through endless cycle of devaluation – disengagement- respite period- live bombing – devaluation and on and on for many many years

a person develops narcissistic personality disorder due to nature ,genetics and nurture, early childhood factors and environment. Either an overcompensated or neglected and abused parenting makes the child feel lack of control on people and events , for eg no matter how badly or well he performs he/ she is rewarded and appreciated for his/ her performance, another example : no matter what he does or does not do he is physically and verbally abused.

so the child lives in an environment with lack of control over it. It means nothing is in his/ her hands but the other person’s hands and in order to protect yourself from this unpredictable and unfair events onto him, he learns faulty ways of manipulation to save himself from that abuse. For eg when the child is physically abused for anything and everything, the child learns to lie to save himself of that slap or beating.

A narcissist’s goal is to achieve his/her prime aims ( fuel, control, character traits and residual benefits) emptying out the supply in this process which inevitably leads to making the supply feel numb, empty, exhausted and alone.

The narcissist may not be aware that’s what they land up doing to the supply. It’s because the narcissist himself is empty, numb inherently that they seek the prime aims to survive and feel ‘alive ‘ so their game is a double whammy, the narcissist and supply both suffer by the end of their relationship

Anybody and everybody a narcissist interacts with fall within his/ her fuel matrix ! The primary supply: intimate partner primary source the sexual, maximum involved with. Then are secondary sources ( colleagues, friends, relatives etc ) and finally the tertiary source( all others, could be anyone and everyone from grocery store girl, to cleaning lady, to cab driver, to his dentist they fall in the category of acquaintances.

A narcissist derives fuel( any emotional response ) a smile, a pat on the back, a wink, a compliment anything to evoke an emotional response which is the fuel on which a narcissist survives and thrives.

all supplies are appliances for the narcissist. To be used to get their prime aims ( fuel, control, character traits and residual benefits) when aim is met, they cease to exist, till next time when narcissist needs to replenish his/ her prime aims

Mostly in adulthood when there’s a meltdown or breakdown and they may take therapy, or read up on the internet or be helped by an aware knowledgeable friend.

but on their own , it’s almost impossible to identify the parent being a narcissist because that’s all that they have seen, they understand something is wrong ( when they look around other parents ) but can’t get insight into narcissism unless and until they seek professional help.

Narcissists take their prime aims from their supplies one of them being acquiring character traits. They copy ape some behaviors which they know are desirable socially and interpersonally. A narcissist fakes them( does them superficially to appease or satisfy the supply and after some time unable to keep up that mask) so if you see your partner ( suspected narcissist) not being jealous, chances are he/ she is faking it.

The only way to find out if he’s a narcissist or not is the test of time . With time his mask will fall off and you will see jealousies towards others especially the people who hold your attention, time and feelings. A narcissist may say” I’m ok with your friends “ but will stalk your social media, will snoop into your phone, hack your emails” they just can’t help it, they are wired to be jealous/ competitive/ possessive

If you’re fighting between being good or bad then you’re definitely not a narcissist, they don’t have the good-bad filter or insight. Secondly a successful powerful positive person doesn’t qualify you as being a narcissist, this word is way too loosely and casually used, it’s actually much more dense than what people think it to be

lastly why are you fighting between being the good and bad person? Be you. We all have our flaws- just work on them to be a happier well adjusted person

Like you deal with any narcissist. Aim for going total no contact regime ( refer HG Tudor on YouTube). However in some circumstances you’re living with him for reasons beyond your control. Some tips to deal with him-

1. minimum communication.
2. Zero emotional engagement ( arguments, justification , making him understand anything etc )
3. money is a big power/ control instrument. Make your life independent of any such control. Your finances, your expenses !!
4. sharing of home-chores/ responsibilities as objectively and firmly and non-negotiable as possible.
5. Do not include him in any of your life’s goals/ aspirations / plans

Firstly it’s like asking can a piraña change into goldfish!! A narcissist is brain-wired differently, their prefrontal cortex under- developed and have a narcissistic gene they have inherited from his previous generations.

yes I believe that compassion and understanding is imperative, not to try to change him/ her but to understand the disorder and deal with it objectively. They are creatures not out of their volition but a combination of nature nurture components.

most narcissists are within the lower range and middle range ( YouTube HG Tudor on schools of narcissists) and they operate instinctively, with zero insight into their ‘ways’ of dealings. The greater and ultra do know what and why they are behaving such. The lower and middle range prime aims are – fuel, control, character traits and residual benefits ( refer HG Tudor) which they do on insight , almost like on default mode. All narcissists have the same prime aims but the greater and ultra consciously know what and why they doing things ( the ultra is the psychopath)

So, understanding about narcissism is to help the empath( supply) to safeguard his/ her life resources and not be exploited and drained out of one’s basic life- energy

One of my client’s response: “ most exhausting –

1. lazy, waiting to be served , looked after
2. alcohol and weed addiction
3. porn addiction
4. highly secretive , who he meets, when, who is he talking to? Who all are there in his life ? He’s on each social media platform but almost never posts anything, or have an engagement with any post , then why is he there ? But demands to know EVERYTHING about my life
5. Lies after lies, meeting random girls, clicking their pics,? Meeting his ex, ex crush flame
6. miserly, for me , not for himself . Almost never bought his own booze or grocery etc for 2 years. Never bought a single gift for me
7. snooping in my phone , syncing my WhatsApp to his laptop etc

• whiners ( the sky is falling on my head)
• Suffer from some forms of aches and pains.
• Prone to Irritate Bowel Syndrome
• additive personality ( alcohol/ nicotine/ substance/ sex/ porn)
• Strange relationship with food ( eat too much too little )
• Vain neat overall appearance but scrutinize carefully, they will have overgrown toe nails, dirty hand nails, dental issues.
• Love hate relationship with cleanliness issues.
• somewhat hypochondriac

You’ve asked two concerns –

1. reading about anything does not count in bringing up or raising a narcissist. It’s genetics and lack of control in the childhood ( over compensated or neglected abused ) that makes a narcissist.
2. looks like your narcissist partner who’s now your ex is a lower range narcissist ( hear HG Tudor on YouTube). Good to know he’s not in your life anymore. Total no contact regime is the only safety net you can use to salvage your life and recreate lost life. Good luck

Ofcourse they will! The very thought that you think them any less begins their devaluation of you.

Spookily enough, they pick their supply who are far superior to them ( outgoing , successful, independent, happy, caring , giving etc ) only to derive the prime aims ( fuel, control, character traits and residual benefits) and when they’ve had their fill, or get bored starts the devaluation of the supply disengagement and discard.

a narcissist will always bring you down to their level because that’s their only way of feeling better about themselves.

A narcissist wears many masks, for many lives they struggle to live from many supplies for fuel in their supply matrix. His right hand won’t know what his left hand up to. Their sole motive is control and manipulation over their supplies to achieve their prime aims- fuel- control- character traits and residual benefits.

invariably their multiple worlds often collide leading to the narcissistic collapse, though temporary till they scouting for their next supply.

They have no rules to abide with, they feel entitled to twist rules as per their convenience and get mad if anyone either questions that or wants to live life the way they do( cheat, lie, go ghost, insecure, clingy etc)

Yes – the covert narcissist. They are:

Quiet introverted with poor social skills, don’t like limelight and being the Centre of a party.

they are shy, don’t mix around easily in a social situation, have fewer supply in their supply chain. They sit in one corner and observe people, don’t give inputs or opinions in most discussions, they work better one to one.

they are timid and have few dark fears( dark, dogs, water, height etc ) they are scared of the law too but like all narcissist will try to twist rules once in a while

definitive addictive component in their personality ( alcohol, nicotine, drugs, porn)

Narcissists glare- gawk- stare- observe minutely all people( everybody is a fuel supply for them) they do this

• to evince a reaction from them ( smile, uncomfortable, stare back, frown anything ) that’s fuel for the narcissist. Love me hate you can’t ignore me attitude of the narc
• character traits – a narc mimics other people’s reactions, accent, communication gestures, their dressing sense , how they look smile walk etc. they add it up in their persona. This is called to derive character traits from their supplies. Also information about what they eat drink where they hang out holidays theyve been to, how do they operate in their field of work etc

You can never ‘ teach’ any narcissist anything( they lack the cognitive emotional bandwidth and depth ) you can however’teach’ yourself –

1. get off this game of phone attend – not attend- hang up- no reply- delayed reply. Duck back this experience and keep your expectations upto what you want to convey / communicate .
2. Mirror him if that helps you feel ‘ vindicated’ because there’s going to be no more outcome of mirroring than you feeling you’ve paid him back in same coin and the other being igniting his narcissistic fury / wounding
3. final teaching to yourself is total no contact regime and lower your emotional thinking

That’s one of the saddest deal – to have a narcissist parent or offsprings.

good you’ve identified her as narcissist, half your battle is won!!! Keep reading up on the same topic to empower and strengthen your inner self.

Strengthen your emotional thinking . Your mother knows that you seek approval from childhood and that’s a weapon a narcissist uses deliciously well. Whatever you do is not good enough. So the manipulations and gaslighting continues.

replace your approval- seeking with self , collagues, friends who are supportive. Be your own critique and admirer.

try to minimize contact ( especially emotional ) with your mum. Keep communication work oriented and not emotional.

read up on no contact regime HG Tudor ! Best of luck ! It’s better to imagine you don’t have a mother than get a raw deal on a regular basis

The only one thumb rule for steering away from a narcissist is total no contact regime spectrum. With people we live or work with we can go ‘ no contact ‘ with-

• stay away from any personal contact – communication- interaction from the narc. Disable arguments.
• Earmark your role and work for clear boundaries.
• Do not respond to the narcissist with even non verbal communication ( for eg he cracks a joke, everyone laughs you don’t . Any and every kind of emotional response ( positive and negative ) works as fuel as part of the prime aims of the narcissist
• have ALL communication in written and cc to someone ( to decrease his manipulations )
• being total objective and professional( even stiff necked) will bore the narcissist and you will not interest him as a prospective victim.

By igniting the narcissistic traits in you of stalking/ snooping/ hoovering/ hacking account / syncing on web etc.

It’s a given that a narcissist is in multiple sexual/ emotional engagement forever, to derive fuel from their secondary sources.( new people/ exes)

A narcissist will be on ALL possible social media but not visible as in their profile page and matter of any substance. It’s because they don’t have any matter of substance to showcase( hollow from inside ) secondly they are on social media to MAINLY hoover/ snoop/ stalk profiles/ sexting who are their supply / prospective supply.

Thirdly social media communication is not perfect “ fuel” satiety! They don’t like inanimate interaction ( reading/ hearing / watching ) it’s a poor fuel compared to “ real time” interaction – the facial expressions, the way the lips move while talking , eyes change contours, the tone timbre and intonations… that’s real fuel for them.

they HAVE TO MEET IN REAL their supply for unadulterated fuel

Yes all are ! Because of grandiose sense of self. However overt narcissists( the loud aggressive, extroverted, cheer-hoggers, brash) are braggats right in your face loud and foulish obnoxiously and covert narcissists ( the quiet, introverted, poor social skills, look-compliant) are braggarts internally which becomes evident when there’s a gap between what they say and what they do

Yes excusable or understandable. NPD is a neuro-psycho pathological disorder and understanding about it is for the benefit of the victim/ supply. And the route is Total no contact regime to regain one’s homeostasis

A narcissist is a chameleon, very difficult to find in his camouflage of varying hues. However if you are extra observant and objective in the first few meetings you may go over these few questions / concerns to get a fairly good idea if he/ she is a narcissist:

1. tall promises least deliverance ( making plans and not showing up, or late, forgetting meetings, suddenly ghosted, disappeared, too prompt with reply to messages and then suddenly no reply)
2. Making you the Centre of their universe too quickly, great woo masters who make it seem all too good to be true. Too quickly they want to be the Centre of your universe
3. addictive habits ( substance abuse, hypersexed etc ) excessive intoxication habits

There’s no such 12 steps for narcissists recovery, they aren’t addicts who will be ‘clean’ after 12 steps, they are a sub-specie of the Homo sapiens. Can a prihana transform into a goldfish?Can a parasite learn to make its own food instead of depending on another organism for it ? NPD is a neuro-psycho pathological disorder.

yes the supply can set himself and herself free of the predatory clutches of NPD by one and only one step: Total No Contact Regime from the Narcissist

A narcissist get over their discard long before the actual discard- starts soon after love bombing stage of devaluation. The journey from devaluation to discard may go up and down respite period- devaluation-respite period- devaluation from week to months and even years during this time the narcissist is grooming the new primary supply and strengthening secondary supply- the proof of which is gaslighting you, ignoring , absent , not available , distant giving you the cold treatment.

after discard , the narcissist has already moved on to the new supply. They ‘get over you’ long back the discard but will continue to hoover at will, because you’re perceived as their property- an appliance that’s not giving the services as earlier or as demanded and they have the entitlement of never truly letting you go because you’re forever their appliance, they will keep checking if you’re left of any use to them

I agree with you completely!! It’s wrong to badger or flog the narcissist, because they are a unique species within homosapiens. Their brain functions differently and they are wired differently and thus it’s but natural for them to operate differently .

A MHP job is to disseminate information and awareness on various disorders, nothing more nor less.

Living with a Narcissist of you cannot leave them can be done ( second best option ) :

1. become financially independent and overall ‘ independent’ of that narcissist. Do your things without the narcissist’s help
2. minimize your emotional thinking w the narcissist. Be objective, practical, neutral. Give away almost nil emotional response ( laugh smile animated angry happy sad anything )
3. As total no contact as possible

Ohhhhh yes!!! If you call them , in tears or crying calling their attention , they will leave everything and come running to you. They will coo-cuddle- hold you- wipe your tears- look deep into your eyes and if you’re looking carefully at them there’s a strange glint in their eyes. So ya, outwardly they ‘ are there for you’ but that’s the deepest depth of their ashtray depth of empathy. They are incapable of genuinely ‘understand ‘ the problem or situation , how you can come out of it and even empathize.

Now how and why does this happen? They learn to ‘fake’ the demeanor of an empath, learnt from movies/ watching observing others, just so that they can manipulate you, maneuver you for their prime aims. So all your emotional state , crying , upset is their FUEL or supply on which they thrive and feel wanted / alive/ loved. Internally their game is on, what they want from you while ‘pacifying’ you. Some( I would say most) narcissists get sexually excited when the empath is crying or upset. The narc fakes to pacify you and already have a collateral in mind . For eg: “ come on baby, let’s go to the pub to cheer you up( he wants a drink, nothing to do with you) “ and you land up footing the bill

so much for their fake empathy

Ofcourse a narcissist wants you to love them to bits, with your heart and soul, it’s they who can’t love you back because they don’t know how to and they know what they are made of – the cycle of love bombing and devaluation; they have a strong conviction that no one is good enough for them and sooner or later they will have to outgrow them/ get bored/fed up of them to discard them.

They have no feeling – empathy – affection. Some of the narcissist do land up faking or putting up a social mask of ‘ feelings’ to be accepted in a situation

After extensive research on NPD for last couple years, it’s my understanding that about 40% of population fall within the narcissist spectrum with a severity of 4–7/10. And the reason that available research says only 1% of population has NPD, is because it’s almost impossible to identify one due to lack of awareness and education on it, thus they are not reported and even if some are reported they never go in for therapy / treatment.

lastly read up on ‘ red flags’ of a narcissist on YouTube HG Tudor on similar topics. But my one liner is- reduce your emotional thinking ( be practical, objective )to the lowest low which is impossible for an empath. Double jeopardy 

It’s not only rare but almost impossible!!! Some of them may go through momentary hollowness, confusion, despair; ofcourse they don’t know why/ what’s happening to them because a narcissist is completely devoid of insight and introspection, they aren’t wired for that!!! There may be some instances where the narcissist learns to mimic socially attractive behaviors like verbally apologize, promise to change etc to get acceptance and approval from others around them. But they have no insight into the genuineness of it. Because they are grandiose and are convinced that they are perfect and there’s nothing to change. It’s doing a big favour on the other person to “ appease” them by saying they sorry and will try to change.

narcissist cannot/ do not/ unable to change … for life!!! It’s like a parasite who changes his species in such a drastic form that they are able to make their own food instead of depending on another specie for their food.

The family dynamics with most narcissists

• atleast one of the parent is a full blown narcissist/ NPD
• he/ she is bullied by atleast one sibling and learns to bully atleast one sibling ( victim and bully role in family)
• Love-Hate pendulum relationship with parents.
• They operate on needs with their family members too, the rules are no different for them. The only difference is they use and don’t / cannot throw their inner circle relatives(parents/ sibling/ other relative ) because they cannot survive without them. They are the one constant source of fuel , character traits and residual benefits, along with a natural immunity to rejection and abandonment. Parents don’t ( especially Indian parents) can’t give up on their kids

All narcissists, whatever their sun signs have the same attributes – to gain and maintain control over everybody they interact with. The prime aims of a narcissist: to get fuel( increase emotional thinking of the supply) character traits ( imbibe traits and mannerism to keep up with the construct- their false self) and residual benefits( food, money, sex, other resources )

Virgo women are extremely fastidious, may fit in greater or ultra narcissist. They are perfectionists, creative, love the fine good things of life, not hard working, sense of entitlement and can be bullies too

It’s never too late to heal!!!!! Even if it means last few years of peace and quiet it’s worth it!

the first step of healing is understanding that the narc is a specie wired to gain control and manipulations with all the people they interact with, nothing personal or nothing targeted at you.

It’s like a leech will suck blood and not milk or juice.

with this understanding you begin to forgive and that’s the first step in healing after 62 years of injuries.

secondly detach from the narc. Physically and emotionally ( read how to reduce your emotional thinking )

thirdly make a list of all the things you always wanted to do but didn’t / couldn’t . Ways to be creative , content , meditative, Good Samaritan etc ! Good luck

The lower range narc( aggressive, brash, bully, involve in antisoical behaviors like petty thefts, defy rules and discipline ) often get entangled with the law but the middle range narc are cautious and even scared of the law and most of the times take measured risk.

yes the lower range and lower mid range narcs are to be kept at bay and not entangle yourself with them

Not facing him is the mantra! Going no contact is the final and only solution to break from the narc’s manipulation and control.

Work towards being independent- financially, physically, and emotionally.

learn to lower your emotional thinking ( read up on how ) when dealing with a narc

EVERYONE!!!!!! Each single person in their life!!!! The primary intimate ( most important puts maximum manipulations there) secondary source ( parents, colleagues, friends, relatives, exes etc) tertiary source( grocer, waitress, car parking guy, helper etc )

that’s the only way a narc knows to survive – through their supply and they need constant inflow, all the time

The only truth they know, believe and live is – control !! their ‘narcissism’is like a blood group type, call it N!! Which doesn’t allow them to see objectivity, fairness, dignity, respect, trust, care,and empathy. They are wired differently ( genetics and childhood traumas and complexities). Their blood runs in the veins only with the help of getting control( fuel).

the lower and mid range narc have this on auto mode ( instinctively) most narc are lower and mid range whereas the greater and ultra are conscious of their conniving games thus they graduate to the level of being psychopaths( more dangerous) because they know some of the games they are playing to get control.

There is a big difference between love-bombing of a narc and being kind by non narc

love bombing is that part of golden period when the narc puts in maximum energy to ‘ engage’ the victim/ supply ( empath) pick you up into his arms and swirl you around cooing words of love adoration, forever adulation, doing things even before you think of them, make you the ONLY aspect that exists in their life. You become their sun in their solar system( though whatever planets you see are illusion ). A narc will follow you like the docile lamb, will bewitch you with his charm.

now all of this happens VERY FAST…. Too good to be true kinda feeling!! You are smothered with this love bombing where you begin to see tiny red flags of no regard for boundary, yet gasp in gleeful surprise with sooooo much love-shower, as if the narc is IN A HURRY TO GIVE ALL THE LOVE POSSIBLE… quickly, lots and very fast!!!!

The normal being kind is like a sapling which grows slowly ORGANICALLY… you can see it growing. It all looks normal, nice, small consistent dose of care concern keeping in mind other person’s boundaries! For eg:

Narc:” I want to meet you this evening and I’ll be waiting in my car downstairs till you don’t come down- can’t bear to not see you everyday”

Normal : “ what’s your eve looking like? Care for a spin? A small window for “ US” coz that’ll add stars to my evening skies”

Narcs are totally consumed by what they want/ seek with zero regard for others or a sense of answerability towards others. Being reliable, credible is non existent in their scheme of things.

Narcs make plan and may/ may not ditch you for reasons given above. For eg: they initiate a plan in all enthusiasm( they may be feeling so then) and may not turn up because they overslept or total disregard for time( they will state in plain unapologetic tone: “I overslept was tired, didn’t notice the time, slipped my mind,” or simply lie with thousand excuses.

All of this will happen on a sustained basis because they are wired to be ego-centric( think only about themselves )

An ultimatum given to an NPD is perceived as a threat on their control over you and any such a threat is most inflammatory for the narc. This will bring out the narc fury ( ensnarement, aggression, anger, vehemence, mean ) which doesn’t help you, infact will make your environment more toxic.

what you can do if you’re unable to move out on your own as of now is to reduce your emotional thinking to it’s lowest. Which means if at all responding to your mother it’s with least emotional content. For eg: she abuses. You go about doing stuff as if you haven’t heard her. controlling – learn to grey rock and make your interactions minimal.

and the bottom line is just work towards no contact( move out, get a job, be financially independent etc ) because then you’ll have a chance of getting a life for yourself

Your ex- means going total no contact is the best and only way you can save yourself from their narc fury and heal and move on with life. The “ everyone “ are the flying monkeys that the narc uses for triangulation and socially maligning you.

Denial is for people with low emotional thinking( like the lawyer does: deny till proved guilty ) and denial is a tactic the narc uses too, whereas you, as the empath believes in justice, fair play and all other goodness which doesn’t work in your favour because defending one’s self is tiring and mentally draining and exhausting. But it’s a good strategy to mirror the narc( ex narc) which means grow a tough skin and deny, don’t defend . It will help you save your drained energy into defending.

Lastly move away from the flying monkeys( common friends social circle ) bring back your lost friends and family. Going total no contact is the best way to save yourself

Yes your ex-narc can return back in your life the way he/ she pleases so that they keep getting their prime aims ! Narc marry to get total control, a sense of ownership and to get the prime aims( fuel, character traits and residual benefits) they are not wired to understand stuff like bonding, care, respect, trust, mutual empowerment, loyalty, commitment which are basic variables in marriage

it’s more important to ask yourself will YOU be ready to get married to your ex narc for the above reasons or not 

The fuel or control a narc has over all his supplies is emotional thinking, character traits and residual benefits. It’s particularly challenging to deal with a narc offspring because these three are precisely what we are wired to provide our kids, being a parent.

yes you can guide and be helpful because that’s the role we play as parents. But try to limit all of the above by conserving your energies and setting limits to what you will do/ not do.

Manipulations and guilt happens when our emotional thinking is high. So check your ‘emotions’ when interacting with your narc adult son. Depersonalize your interactions towards objectivity and neutrality.

detach yourself at an emotional level because your son is not wired for emotional give and take that’s important for any relationship. Don’t try to too hard to appease or please him because anything and everything you do for him won’t be enough for him. Learn to respond neutrally with him, don’t get into arguments to make him see sense or what he needs to do or not do. Whatever you indulge with him( money, food, care etc) let him take responsibility of some of these.

Yes you’re right ! Silent treatment ( flight mode, moving away, withdrawing )is one of the coping mechanisms. Let me explain difference between silent treatment from a narc and normal person

normal : a teenager finding too much pressure at home and school to study, withdraws temporarily from arguing or reacting to get his objective thinking back and how best he can work things in his favour

narc: the supply has NO CLUE of the narc’s silent treatment. Out of the blue, from no context the narc will go off in hmmm, sighhh, blank looks into the horizon, a sulk and tantrum-like demeanor. Everything is fine between the two and suddenly the narc decides to go silent treatment

in normal if a family member will ask the kid why are you quiet he will most probably say- thinking about studies / how to better manage time etc

in narc situation the intimate partner primary or secondary source when ask what happened why so quiet the narc DENIES it saying : no I’m not quiet/ no nothing is wrong / just like that. The narc does that to increase your emotional thinking ( messing with your thoughts and feelings) which are confusing and annoying and this fuel is precisely what keeps the narc’s control over you

A narcissist is on a never ending quest for hunting their supply-love bombing-devaluation- discard- new supply and so on endlessly! But it’ll come as a surprise to you that a narc does not happily or readily want a new supply because it means putting all the great efforts in love bombing, huge investments ( time and money ) in golden period.but sadly they are wired to get bored and reach a plateau with their supply and also they are not wired to hold on to their Jekyll and Hyde mask for too long, it’s bound to slid away with time is when the supply begins to see their real evil self of seeking control , lack of empathy, wrong sense of entitlement, grandiosity, pathological liars, addictions etc.

Lastly a narc is not too thrilled with a new supply because that entails a long charade of love bombing etc too much energy needed

Bad thing ! For you ! Whether it’s bad or good for the narc should not be our concern because the narc and supply are two different species. A narc his empty in care-empathy-introspection departments so ‘exposing ‘ the narc will reshape into gaslighting, projection on you where you’ll be left explaining yourself, burning in the fury of gaslighting, leaving you exhausted and mentally battered .

any contact with the narc specially with narcs in immediately family should be substantiated with proof, documentations and evidences to safeguard yourself from future mind-games.

Going no contact is the only one way of cutting off the fuel supply you’re providing to the narc

Your communication with him ( preferably audio/ video calls / physical meet up) works as fuel for him because it transfers your emotional thinking to him.

Secondly the reason he’s doing so because you will always stay in their supply chain or fuel matrix where he can put you on and off the radar when he wants. You may now be the non-intimate secondary source , shelf category, or his dirty little secret type in the fuel matrix.

Lastly, a narc is a pathological liar( I’m sure you’ve got a taste of that by now, unfortunately) and THEY DO NOT DISCARD THEIR INTIMATE PRIMARY SOURCE TILL THEY DONT REPLACE YOU PROPERLY. Narcs derive their fuel from different sources ,to meet their prime aims- the fuel, character traits and residual benefits and you’re one of the sources, as long as he wants or as long as you don’t go no contact on him

That’s your perception, opposite to what the narc perceives . It’s you who is infatuated with them and they love bomb you to draw you to them, even if it means ‘ faking’ they are crazy for you and they ‘ love ‘ you infinitely.

If you leave them in the beginning of love bombing stage then you’re not an empath or the supernova who’s seen through his game at the love bomb stage itself.

a narc doesn’t ever need anybody. That’s hard wired in their system. Their ‘ needs’ are to do service to the lesser mortals out there who are the ‘ supply’ the empaths.

First of all, the narcissistic perceives that it’s he/she who has discarded the supply, it’s never the other way round. The devaluation of the supply starts much before the discard and even if the supply ‘ calls it off’ it doesn’t matter to the narc because the supply has already been devalued and later discarded by the narc, moving on the new supply(s)

A narc is angry only because either the supply has gone no contact ( blocked on social media and other communication platforms) when the narc can’t hoover for drawing fuel from the supply.

A narc never never in their minds 💯 let go of their past supplies ( esp the primary and secondary intimate ones). They are seen as appliances pile up which they want to rummage through time and again to re-test if any are still in some working condition or not

Regular ghosting happens in casual relationship where you get in and get out when you want( have second thoughts about the person, don’t want to carry it to the next level for your logical reasons etc) for eg you start chatting online and find after some time that you’re not compatible or you’re not ok with some stuff they say or do. You suddenly block, forget about that person and move on without investing too much emotional energy.

Whereas with the narcissistic ghosting it’s to manipulate you. They NEVER fully 100% move on after ghosting you. Narc ghosting also is when they suddenly go incommunicado with you the supply, for a span of time ( phone not reachable, battery died , keep you waiting and guessing where he is etc) narc indulge in hoovering ( stalking, use another account etc) to play the emotional hide and seek game with you.

normal ghosting is for people to move on from a mistaken situation with someone but narcissistic ghosting is never ending nightmare of now here now not game.

First of all ‘silent treatment’ is a kind of coping mechanism that we all use at some point or the other to move away from the stressful situation, to reflect, minimize conflicts, recover from our exhaustion. Generally, it’s proceeded by a chronic or difficult life situation, which we seek to resolve.

But for NPD it’s a kind of punishment/ pain/ disregard inflicted on their supply when the supply shows them the mirror or unmask their real self or confront a narc with their false promises / lying/ cheating etc. The intent or end result is NEVER to resolve the conflict.

One of the ways to deal with the silent treatment by the narc is to mirror them. In neutral inanimate way. Go about doing what you got to do, and seek to calm your mind with the endless questions about why the narc is the way he/ she is, how and why he/ she has wronged you etc . Make the best of the ‘ silence ‘ in your life instead of aspersions/ justifying/ proving your self

other method is be your normal self . You keep up with the regular mandatory communication for smooth functioning of your day, as if you haven’t noticed the silent treatment. This way you exhibit low emotional response, which disarms the narc, or let’s say you get a cover-up to their acid-rain of silent treatment.

A narc needs CONSTANT attention from their primary, secondary and tertiary supplies

I’m not feeling well( it’s a regular feature, stomach, body aches, past injury pains, hangover)

They are detailed descriptive about their workplace daily run-through highlighting how’s he’s the hardworking conscientious popular worker and how the rest of them are shortchanging him ( bad boss colleague etc )

it’s very difficult for them to keep silent or quiet most of the times because they are working all the time to seek attention ( emotional responses). They will strike a conversation buddy like with a vegetable vendor or a house help, shopkeeper makes them feel important and special. Even a girl taking her dog out for walk will invite narc’s attention. The narc fuel is the smile, the body language, the way a person looks at him, a pat on the shoulder, a fleeting friendly touch ( a narc is majorly VISUAL DRIVEN)

Most narcs are experts at lying with an occasional sprinkle of truth to spice up their mind-games dish. It’s to confuse the supply and begin to question her own trust issues ( the dark game of truth and lie) which helps in gaslighting the supply later.

A narc never admits anything is wrong with them, perfection cannot lie, and if at all they lie it’s the fault of the world around them that forces them to lie.

So when a narc admits that he’s lying it’s to ONLY confuse the supply( should I believe him this time ?) so that he can continue with the lie-truth game forever

Because they actually don’t ! In the initial stage of love bombing the ‘staged care’ is to attach himself to his supply which is mistaken to be love and bonding for the supply. Now the interesting question can be even if it’s staged care and both are very happy then why things go wrong? It’s because after the love bombing stage the narc begins to get his steady supply of adoration, entitlement, control and overall engulf the supply, the narc is helpless with his innate traits like lying, cheating, pleasure seeker, lazy etc, which one day is questioned by the supply after the supply is beginning to deplete her/ his all resources ( time, energy, money, cleaning cooking etc) and then starts the gaslighting , silent treatment, abuse by the narc, a spiraling down of snowball of the weary situation